What to do and what not to do.

When someone says they've fallen in love with you, it can be hard to tell if they love you in a healthy way, or if their love is tainted. Here are six key differences:

1. Giving freely vs. giving to get. Real love is based on a desire to give to the other when the need arises, without expecting something in return. You trust each other to have one another’s back, and to be there for each other. Tainted love seldom gives without a price—giving is only a way to get something back, not a way of caring.

2. Knowing each other vs. changing each other. People who love in a healthy way work to know each other by building maps of each other and working hard to discover more and more of who each other are. Tainted love demands that you change into what someone else wants you to be. It doesn't care who you are, just that you conform to its demands. 

3. Privacy vs. exposure. A healthy love creates areas in the relationship that are private, where no one else can enter in. Real love protects the time the two of you share, your knowledge about each other, and the unique things the two of you do with each other. Tainted love provides no privacy—your weaknesses become the butt of jokes; details of private events like kissing are shared with anyone who will listen; and time together is given away to anyone but you.

4. Repair vs. revenge. If your partner really loves you, fights become ways to learn more about each other. You will see a genuine effort to repair conflicts through turning toward each other and sincere listening to feelings. Tainted love is vindictive. Each argument turns into an opportunity for payback. You’ll see fights produce blaming, coercion or rejection.

5. Shared goals vs. selfishness. Real love places two people into a joined life-space, where they create shared goals that promote each other’s well-being. Your partner should want your your hopes and dreams to come true. Tainted love takes for itself, it doesn’t give. Unhealthy love asks you to sacrifice your dreams, not fulfill them. Tainted love is self-interest, not other interest.

6. Desire vs. guilt. Healthy love creates a desire to care for each other’s needs. You want the other person to be in your life, and you care about their needs. Tainted love, instead, demands things and uses guilt to get what it wants. Your partner will tell you why you’re bad or uncaring, and compare you to others to make you feel bad—and then deliver the message: “But, sweetie, if you do what I tell you to, then maybe I'll forgive you." You don’t give because you want to, you give because you have to.

By Gottman Institute. 

19 years in 4 days.

Recently, I had an assignment in Brunei. We are currently involved in improving the customer experience for their national telecommunication agency. 

We had to use the KLIA since we are using their national carrier. As I checked my luggage, I noticed a buddy of mine who I've not met for the last 5 years. He is currently working with the Emirates and flys frequently to Dubai for work. He was sharing with me the difference between the Emirates and our national carrier, which he was serving before this. He feels that the grass is much greener on the other side. I was happy for him since he feels that he is being rewarded fairly. Since I had to get to my flight, we exchanged numbers and decided to catch up again. 

Then, I left for my flight and as I left the imigression for the hand luggage scanner counter, I met another friend of mine that I've not met for about 8 years. He is currently working in Singapore. He was sharing with me that he is going to get married soon and he wanted me to attend his wedding. Quickly we exchanged numbers since we were heading to different boarding gates and decided to catch up again. 

The next day, I went for my work and after work I hit the gym to get my circulation flowing. As I was working out someone noticed me and approached me. It was a friend of mine that I've not met for about 12 years. Firstly, I was completely surprised because from all the places, it was a gym in Brunei that I had to meet him. We were so happy to meet each other until we decided to stop working out and decided to talk about the old times. We had so much to talk about, obviously since it was 12 years however time was running short so we exchanged numbers and decided to catch up again. 

2 days after that, I finished my assignment and was heading back home. After reaching KLIA, I had to take the train to get to the main terminal. In the train, I notice someone familiar. It was a buddy of mine that use to study with me and it has been 19 years since we last met each other. I couldn't belief that it's been 19 years because time just moved so fast. He was telling me that he is now working in Singapore and travels frequently due to work. Since we were in a hurry, we quickly change numbers and decided to catch up again. 

Here are some of the lessons that I learnt after traveling back 19 years in the 4 days:

1. I have got some catching up to do. 

2. Many Malaysian buddies of mine are working abroad, which means that talents are moving out of the country probably at a higher rate compared to the past. 

3. The world is getting smaller. With advancement of the transportation industry, we can travel further with lesser. So, if you ask me, I'm really waiting when Sir Richard Branson is going to launch the first airline trip to space. 

Generation F

We are currently running an Executive Development Program for a group of graduates that's attached with an energy organisation. In there we were discussing about the current changes that's happening in the working environment and how it's impacting everybody. 

There was a question about the current Generation Y and how companies are trying to meet midway with them. While giving my two sense worth of thought, I mentioned that it was not has challenging as what the Generation F is going thru. All eyes were wide open, completely surprised of its existence of the word 'Generation F', more so due to the letter F. 

The definition of this generation are all of the Generations X,Y and Z or in short, for all those who are 35 and below. So then what's the challenge?

The current global unemployment rate is 4.5%. In Malaysia, it's 3.4%. However, if you crunch the numbers differently, it will tell you a different story. The unemployment rate for those below 25, in Malaysia is 10.9%. Worldwide, it's about 40%, which countries like Greece with 63% and Spain with 56.1%, taking the top 2 spots. So, what this tells us is that those below 25 are roaming the streets more often than just looking for the new launched phones or gadgets. These numbers are unhealthy. This adds on to the burden of the parents or care takers to further stretch their ringgit in times when 'kang kung' becomes a national celebrity. 

Which means, the unemployment rate for those of that age, suffer a far more depressing situation compared to the rest of the age group, and yet there's war for good talent. What a paradox! Since organisation wants to grow and there is a need for better skilled workers but when organisation is growing leaner, these group of people are missing out and soon they will be left behind.

Whenever they apply for a job, they cannot run away noticing the line of 'x' amount of years of experience. That sticks like a sore thumb. Therefore it's check mate folks. You just graduated, you are looking for work but they all want experience workers and you don't have experience. To make matters worst, I don't think the situation is going to get any better, which means they are screwed! I guess that's how the letter F comes into the picture!

Therefore, what do they do?

2 things I had to offer. 

1. If the old mantra is there's just no way, now the new mantra is 'Go Find A Way!' By any means possible, the individual must go and look out for at least something that they can do. Doing something is better that doing nothing. 

2. EXPERIENCE, EXPERIENCE, EXPERIENCE. That's exactly what it is. They must subject themselves with the challenges and difficulties that life brings in order to get any form of experience, which in a way ties back to point 1. So, you go find a way to get an experience, no matter how little or how small it maybe. They must be able to take long hours and low pay, although some will preach about work life balance, but then you need to balance that with No Risk No Reward! 

Get moving. 

Because it's there...

As I was having lunch with my colleagues in Menara Mustapha Kamal, I discovered a major factor of our choices is determined by the environment. Which simply means, if you want healthy selection of foods, you go to a healthy place and if you are looking for tasty fatty meals, you go for fast foods. 

When we are in that environment, we will choose that particular food because it's there. We go up to the refrigerator and pick up that fizzy drink because it's there. We go order milo ais, teh ais or Nescafé ais from the mamak because it's there. We have western food because it's there. We have fruits after a meal because it's there. We have some tit bits after our meals because it's there. 

So, if you see yourself having something that you don't want, it's probably because...

Air... Pisang... A day in Jelebu...

I've always been riding in a mountain bike jamboree, but today i decided to join the organiser, to assist them with the event. Although it was my first time, I really enjoyed it and I will sure to do it again. Organising makes you see things in a different way and when a rider comes up to you with a thumbs up on your effort, you know you have made their day, which for me, matters most. 

Here are 3 things I learnt assisting in this ride,

1. Communication 
Being and staying connected is very important in any event. When you have constant communication, you keep yourself in the loop of the progress. When that happens, you get the latest information, which helps you to make an accurate decision. 
This is true for all events, where communication between all members of the committee must be clear and updated. People will not do less with more information but they will definitely do less with less information.

2. Starting point must be well organised. 
Many riders get to the starting point very early to get an advantage in the starting position. However, that feeling of certainty slowly becomes upsetting when they observe other late coming riders slowly placing their bikes ahead of them. How I see it is that at times it's no bodies fault. It's because the situation is such that all riders try to cramp at the starting point which then gives no space for the new arrived riders to make their way to the back of the pack. 
I know what you are thinking, the new riders should be using the sides to get to the back. If you were the rider, I'm sure you will not think of doing something right when you can do something easy. 

3. It's always good to get an extra hand. 
Once again, this event clearly displays how wonderful and joyful an event will be when you have many organisations playing a part in it. I saw there were very enthusiastic motocross lead riders, dedicated police and rela personnels and lots of committed crew members and I'm sure there were many more who made it possible. When you have dedicated team members, organising an event becomes sweet and when it's sweet, it makes you want to organise it more and more. However, not many of us know that committed team members can only come when they are skilled and motivated to perform the task. 

Well done to everyone since there were all finishers, however there was something interesting a rider confessed to me "as long as there were no karipaps, the event is a good one!"

The usual scene at the starting line.

An awesome group of marshals and crew members. 

Replenishing water that's lost via sweat, is one of the most important component that can effect a rider's performance. 

Riders spending their time relaxing and taking a breather after a 20km ride, while mentally collecting their thots for the last 8km to come. 

Health is just not a priority...

We conducted a Mind and Body Wellness program. In there we discussed about the importance of living and maintaining a healthy mind and body. 

During this initiative, I asked the participants about what they wanted to discover about health, fitness or on managing stress. After the question and answer session, I realise that only 10% knew exactly what they really wanted. The majority 90% couldn't even decide what exactly they wanted to learn. 

This was intriguing, although I wasn't surprise. I later asked them about their work and their performance indicators. The 90% answered me confidently while they could argue between them on what optimal performance was. However, I later asked them about what are the performance/important indicators are about health, fitness and on managing stress, they were not able to answer. 

Chances are, like most of them, we might be like them. We know a lot about our work or what is expected out of us but very few of us can answer assertively questions about our personal health. Even for a very simple question like, 'Are you healthy?'

How I see it is that our job is one of our priority, like other priorities that we have in our lives. However, not many of us put personal health and well being as one of them. Maybe it could be that we are not aware or it's just too much to know and you might be just confuse as you dwell into it or it's just not interesting. Whatever it maybe, I notice that individual that make health, fitness and managing stress a priority tend to live a long, healthy and satisfying life and for those who don't, illness, diseases or disorders seems to be always creeping up. So, if health is not your priority, I suggest for you to reconsider...

Notice what you are getting, probably you are attracting it!

We are currently in Felda Hot Springs conducting a workshop for a team consisting individuals from corporate affairs, which are from different subsidiaries of a large media organisation in Malaysia. 

During the program, one of the participants was sharing her experience about the law of attraction. Well, she said the majority of us are so trained to attract the things that we want. While that's good, one should also be sensitive with what one is getting because one could be attracting it sub continuously. 

She gave an example of her driving experience, where although always thinking of being safe and careful, she was an inconsiderate driver. Being selfish on the road made her bump into other drivers that refuse to give her way and at times she got herself into accidents. 

After her 3rd accident within 6 months driving a brand new Honda Civic, she decided it was enough. She decided to reflect back what was happening and she made a discovery that although she is continuously attracting safety and focus, she is also attracting other inconsiderate drivers. 

After sharing with me her story, I was reflecting about my experiences on the road and I discovered some similarities. Maybe there is some truth to it or maybe as some people say it's just in the mind. Whatever it is, I will be noticing whom I'm attracting on the way back to Kuala Lumpur.